More Than A Memory
by CloudxKadajLover
Summary: Cloud reflects on Zack's death, and realizes he will never be a memory..that in fact, he's so much more. Spoiler warning for the end of Crisis Core, or Zack's death whichever you prefer! Rated T for shonen ai, CloudxZack.


**PLEASE DO NOT ASK ABOUT THE ENDING OF CRISIS CORE IN A REVIEW. The end of Crisis Core IS Zack's death, same exact thing. However there is dialogue at the end of CC that wasn't in the original death, which is why this has spoiler warnings. Understand?! I'm getting tired of getting worthless reviews from people who ask this when I already stated it in the summary. QUESTIONS are meant for PMs. REVIEWS are meant for opinions of stories. Got it? I worked hard on this and I don't appreciate stupid questions that take up space on my reviews. SO DON'T DO IT!!!! **

Okay so I'm like Crisis Core Crazy right now, and I've already seen the intro AND the ending of CC many times. The ending was SO sad and beautiful that I just HAD to write some type of fic on it...and thank god someone on live journal put up a translation! So I DID type on fic on it, which is this. Now first off, if you don't WANT the ending spoiled, I suggest you ignore this, or go see the ending first! (Its on my YT page). Second, because it IS a CloudxZack fic, meaning its yaoi, meaning its BOY LOVE I added a couple things within the ending that didnt really happen, so don't go and exclaim "OMG Zack REALLY kissed Cloud?" and have a fangirl moment, okey dokey? The ending actually really isn't that long, but it has sooooo much emotion, so I tried to incorporate that emotion in this fic, which is why the scene seems a lot longer than if you watched it. I got like REALLY into Cloud's character, most of it about Zack lol. Its cuz just from watching trailers and whatnot, I'm in love with Zack's character, so if Cloud is his best friend (cough boyfriend cough) he HAS to love him, in a friendship sense. (NOT lol jk) I mean now actually seeing the ending, I really feel for Cloud and anyone whos ever made fun of Cloud for being emo will not do it anymore after seeing the ending. Unless you have no soul, or something. XP Okay, I say waay too much on these things, so yeah, CloudxZack, dont like it dont read it and spoiler warning!! Otherwise, ENJOY!!

* * *

Bright mako blue eyes beamed over the children splashing around him, grinning, laughing….he nearly got close to grinning himself until he noticed a flash of pink in the corner of his eye. Looking past the children, he noticed with surprise that flash of pink had been Aeris, who was now walking away from him. Cloud watched her sadly for a moment before noticing someone else was leaning against the doorway of the church. When it occurred to the blonde swordsman who it was, his heart stopped. 

Zack Fair smiled warmly at Cloud from his spot, a few strands of his black hair hanging in his face, as it always did. His eyes still shone brightly, his smile as gentle as it always was, that easy going air still around him…nothing had really changed about him at all. Only the fact that the sober warrior could no longer reach Zack where he was. He couldn't touch him, he couldn't _feel_ him anymore…but yet he was here. Right in front of him. And Cloud remembered…

* * *

As the weak teen came slowly back to his senses, he noticed he was lying on the wet ground as rain poured from the sky. He found the strength to pick himself up, and confused cerulean eyes looked around for a moment. He noticed the motionless figure lying on the ground a few feet from him. It looked horribly familiar and Cloud felt his heart tighten. _'Zack…..'_

He crawled over toward the still body, hating himself for being so weak at the moment. He finally dragged himself right by Zack, looking down at his blood stained face, his eyes open and blank. The blonde's heart was racing so fast it almost hurt. Was he already….?

"Zack?"

The dying SOLDIER reacted to the sound of the boy's voice, his eyes meeting the others and he smiled, despite his horrid state.

"My part….till now…"

Cloud blinked down at his hurt companion, puzzled.

"Your part?"

"That's right….you are.."

His voice was laced with pain, yet soft as a whisper.

"..You are?" the blonde questioned, not understanding what Zack meant.

The pained man slowly raised his left arm toward Cloud's head and grabbed the spiky blonde locks he found there. He looked into those sad eyes, something opposite glowing in his. Before the teen could say a word, Zack pulled his head down toward his own, crushing their lips together. Despite his blood loss, the cheerful warrior's lips were still warm. The kiss was just as soft and gentle as it was the first time and the many times after that. But there wouldn't be anymore sweet kisses after this. This wasn't like the other times. Zack wouldn't wake up beside Cloud anymore, he wouldn't laugh, he wouldn't smile….he wouldn't _be there_. He would be gone…this fact alone made Cloud feel as though his heart were being impaled.

The beautiful man grabbed the teen's head again, this time pulling it onto his blood-soaked chest. His life was dwindling away, and he spoke softly, with difficulty.

"Live…You're the evidence…that I lived."

Zack's hand slipped from the wet locks and fell limply back onto the muddy ground. Cloud's golden head rose slowly, not noticing the warm, sticky substance on his cheek. He pondered over Zack's words, looking back into those mesmerizing eyes, trying to find answers to the many questions he had swirling around in his head right now. But Zack only smiled happily at him, as though confident Cloud would figure out what he meant soon enough. He glanced over at his Buster sword, and with surprising strength, managed to pick it up.

"My pride and my dreams…"

He held the sword in front of Cloud, implying that he should take it.

"…have them all."

The quiet youth slowly grasped the handle of the legendary sword. Once he had a good grip on it, Zack let it go, placing his gloved hand over Cloud's smaller one. He squeezed it lightly before his arm gave out and fell back at his side. He could feel the world fading around him; the only thing that remained clear was pretty figure in front of him, his eyes locked with his own. As the teen once again stared into Zack's eyes, he realized it would the last time he would be doing so.

"I'm the evidence…that you lived."

'_I'll live out the rest of your life….our life.'_

The dying beauty smiled weakly, happy his best friend understood. The last thing he saw was Cloud's cherubic face before his eyes closed for the final time.

The blonde stared at his dead lover for a moment, not daring to believe it. He didn't _want _to believe it. Zack couldn't be dead…no…not him. Not the beautiful, happy, caring person that he had known, that he had fallen in love with, that he had, for the first time in his life, had cheerful moments with. Not the person that had actually made the teen's life so much brighter…but it wasn't bright anymore. The light had gone out. Because Zack Fair _was_ dead. And he had died…saving _him_. _Because_ of him. The horror and the pain of this fact pierced Cloud like a sword, and he screamed in anguish. Memories of the bright SOLDIER flooded through his mind, took over his entire being. They were all he could focus on…because now that was all he had. The only thing left of Zack. The raven haired man wanted him to have those memories. That was his final gift, and Cloud would cherish them for as long as he lived. But he wasn't a memory just yet. He was still beside him. Maybe not alive, but still _there_. The rain continued to fall mercilessly upon them, and the sorrowful teen remained beside his deceased lover. He wasn't going to leave him out in the rain. He didn't want to leave him at all. But Zack would fade away into the Lifestream soon enough and Cloud intended to stay by his side until he did.

After what felt like hours, the rain finally stopped, having washed the blood away from the teen's face and the silent man's body. Rays of white sunlight streamed out behind clouds, returning the golden color to the youth's hair. The sky lightened to a pale blue, lighting up everything around him. Cloud gazed down at Zack, that peaceful smile still resting on his lips. The blonde wondered for a moment if they were still warm.

The mako-eyed swordsman had asked only for the teen to live. It seemed for awhile that Cloud felt he could not - but he had to, even if it was hard. The loyal, courageous man had given up his own life so the angelic cadet could continue on with his. His heart swelled with the realization of this fact. Emotions he thought were abandoned rose up within him again.

"Thank you…I won't forget."

'_I could never forget all that happened between us. Never. I'll keep your…our memories safe. I promise.'_

Cloud stood up slowly, and gazed down at Zack for the last time. He took it all in; his soft, spiky raven hair gently moving with the wind, the serene smile on his face, his skin glowing under the sun's rays. Even in death he was still beautiful. The gazing teen knew this time he would have to go off by himself. He would be alone, once again. But it wasn't simply being alone; it was being without Zack. To Cloud, that made all the difference. He was suddenly overcome with sorrow, and felt tears burn in his eyes as he watched the still angel. Blue eyes shut and concealed the tears; he had to be strong. If not for himself, for Zack. He slowly opened them again, feeling a sense of acceptance.

"Good night…"

Cloud said it the same way he had many times before, expect in this case there would be no "good morning" to go along with it. Even so, the grieving teen could not bring himself to say goodbye. Good bye made it final…but it wasn't the end. Not for him. It never would be. He turned to leave, but stopped. Words he was unable to say while the talented swordsman was still alive came out over his lips before he could think over them.

"I love you…Zack."

After saying these words, he continued on, dragging the Buster sword with him. He didn't look back; there was no need for it. Zack faded away off to the Lifestream shortly after. He might have faded away from the planet but he would never fade away from Cloud's memory. He would never fade away from Cloud's heart.

* * *

Cerulean eyes surveyed over the figure leaning against the doorway and he felt remorseful. He didn't notice, as he had slipped into a depression for about two years, that he was living because of Zack. That he had promised he would live out both of their lives. But for a long awhile, Cloud only lived out his own life. If it was to be called that…he shut himself away from those who cared about him the most, and drowned in his self guilt, that didn't even exist. He was making the SOLDIER's sacrifice seem meaningless, and even though it was anything but, Cloud had nothing to prove that it wasn't. He felt so alone, so abandoned, so insignificant….but it was only right now, now that Zack, Aeris, and everyone else was around him that he realized he wasn't. They had always been with him, had always cared about him, he just never knew it. Never _felt_ it. It wasn't that he didn't want to feel it; it was he couldn't accept it. He couldn't see why anyone would love the reclusive, quiet, self pitying person he had become. But he was past that now, his guilt was fading away; and as he looked at the beautiful SOLDIER, he saw he was looking back with the same longing gaze. His guilt was suddenly replaced with another feeling, one he hadn't felt since the easy going warrior had last kissed him.

"You see….everything's alright."

Aeris's words snapped Cloud out of his thoughts, and he watched her leave for a moment, before his eyes focused on Zack once more. The smiling swordsman simply waved before fading back into the whiteness that would take him back to the Lifestream. The blonde felt a bit disappointed, until an all too familiar voice spoke within his head.

_"Love you too, Cloud." _

At hearing these words, memories that had ceased to fade resurfaced in Cloud's mind….they had lived, they had laughed, they had loved. But Zack was not just a memory. He was Cloud's best friend…his comfort…his lover…his hero. That he would always be. Zack even loved the quiet swordsman when he did not even love himself. He had saved him…saved _them_.

At this thought, Cloud did something he couldn't remember doing since Zack was alive. He smiled.

* * *

Quite sad and emotional if I say so myself...but anyway, I hope you were able to differentiate what I typed compared to what really happened in the ending...if you didnt, I'll say it here: 

1) Zack DID NOT kiss Cloud, although for a second I thought he was going to! But since when does Square Enix listen to our fangirl pleas? Never! They always tease us but never give us what we want...bastards...

2) Cloud's thoughts are obviously not actually true...then again who knows...

3) Cloud did not say "I love you" to Zack, although he NEEDS to XD

There. If you've seen Advent Children, I dont need to explain myself anymore. I literally was watching the ending while making this and paused it after they said every little thing so I could catch their expressions, so i did put effort into this and I'm really quite proud how it turned out. so PLZ lemme a review!!! I might alter this later when the English version comes out, but then again they always translate what they say in Jap wrong anyway, since they just want something to match the lip syncing...(shakes head) Newayz, hope u enjoyed and drop me a review!!!


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